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Things I'm Going to Do With All That Money I Won in the Powerball
1) Start a talent agency for dogs that got famous on YouTube.
2) Do an all-black version of
August: Osage County
. Starring Tyler Perry. New title:
Damn! It's Hot!
3) Do an all-white version of
The Color Purple
. Justin Beiber as Harpo. Fergie as Shug. This will no
t be a musical.
4) Clone myself; send the clone to medical school; ask the clone to tell me if this mole on my arm looks dangerous.
5) Pay for couples counseling for Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansen because people that beautiful owe the world children.
6) Go to Tiffany's in my pajamas. Buy everything. Like completely shut it down.
7) Go to Whole Foods. Buy one thing. (Seriously that place is expensive.)
8) Open up a bar called "Drunk People Who Want to Have Sex Relations With You (Yes, You!)"
9) Buy a Hollywood nightclub; deny myself entrance to that nightclub; complain on my blog
about how exclusive the nightclub is.
10) See a therapist. Or buy a puppy.
Or a baby. Buy a baby. From the black market. Like Madonna does.
Three words: millions of cupcakes.
13) Spare no expense to wine and dine Adele and make her fall in love with me. Then dump her so she writes another amazing album.
14) Three more words: dinosaur themed diner. Called the Diner-saur. Right? Right?!
15) Pay people to walk around behind me and laugh at things I say. Like the studio audience on
The Cosby Show
16) Become a Republican.
R. Eric Thomas
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August 19, 2011 at 11:26 AM
Hi. Lar. I. Ous.
#3?!!! I sputter laughed while answering the phone.
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Briefly: On Being a Groomsman
R. Eric Thomas
I once fought a dragon. My first name is Rowdy.
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