Movin' on up!

Confused? I've moved!

I'm publishing regularly at IJustHaveAFewNotes.com now!

Thanks for visiting this blog and I hope you'll follow me over there for more gifs, awkardness and musings about Beyonce!

A sample:

"I went to a party last night thrown by a gay couple I adore. One of the two works in theatre like I do, so it was full of queers and theatre people and theatre queers, at least six performances of “The Hot Honey Rag” and a prolonged debate about who would play whom when we all dress as the mid-nineties Queen Latifah sitcom Living Single. It was also a Comic-Con-themed party, so everyone was dressed a superhero. That means, of course, a sea of flaccid penises barely concealed behind low-hanging spandex. And if free-balling in a Sonic the Hedgehog bodysuit isn’t what the founding fathers meant by “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”, I’ll eat that A I got in AP History. Actually, I think I dropped AP History after a couple of weeks. I did take AP Statistics, though, so I’m still qualified here. Just calm down. Calm down. Sir, please lower your voice.

It was also a Housewarming party because gays are lost if there aren’t at least 3 themes to every event. How can we ironically engage while also judging and rejecting if the party planners don’t take the Lido deck approach to programming? I was once at a brunch that was also an engagement party, a board meeting, an intervention and a gospel drag show.



Who Rules? Food Rulez!

These are not the carbs you're looking for...
So, y'all know how I love to eat, right?  I mean I have a lot of emotions and they need to go somewhere.  I figure, what better place than my stomach, right?  Plus, I'm over 30, which is gay years is extinct.  I'm sorry, ex-twink'd, which means I no longer give any fucks whatsoever about being a size 27 waist.  I still gym it up (vanity doesn't disappear with maturity, it just becomes slightly more reasonable) but I certainly don't shy away from a complex carbohydrate when it's offered to me.

Well, child, I plan on being very not shy today.  I'm in New York with my boyfriend, Jay, and we are going to paint the town red velvet!  Our itinerary is as follows: Billy Bakery (my fave!), Magnolia Bakery, Crumbs Bake Shop, then maybe the Statue of Liberty.  Or whatever.

Last night I did a comedy show at Stonewall with the incredible Kelli Dunham.  It went really well; she has the best fans in the world and a few of my New York friends came out, too.  I did a bit where I talked about vacations I'd been on with my parents, highlighting the unmitigated wonder that is a continental breakfast.  If you don't know how great continental breakfast is, you are clearly not appreciating one of life's greatest gifts!  Here, look at this video and educate yourself:

Anyways, I was on pins and needles waiting to see what kind of free continental breakfast our lovely hotel in the Financial District was cooking up this morning!  The picture you see above isn't it, though!  (Tricky!)  That's from the astounding Brown Bag Cafe in Kirkland, WA.  If you are EVER anywhere in the Pacific Time Zone, you must go to the Brown Bag Cafe.  They were started for the lumberjack population of the area surrounding Seattle.  The meals are so huge that the lumberjacks would eat half and then brown bag the other half for the rest of the day.  Needless to say, to-go containers were de rigeur at Brown Bag, but the food was so good I usually just ate the rest as soon as I got back to my hotel room.

The breakfast that Jay and I had this morning, however, won't be found here.  You'll have to go check out my friend, the Nosh Guy's incredible (and incredibly yummy) blog Food Rulez.  Nosh Guy saw my pic of breakfast on Facebook and picked it up for the blog moment later.  This is hot off the griddle news, folks!


What's My Name? Patti Patti!

My TEDxPhilly video has been spreading like crazy! I mean, it's no "Shit White Girls Say to Black Girls" or anything, but for an inspirational little story about meeting a celebrity and accepting your destiny, it's not doing so bad. Thanks for all the lovely messages about it.

I went digging through the scattered remains of my MySpace page to try to find the photo of me and Ms. Patti LaBelle that I reference in the video. I didn't have to look far (it's always close to my heart). Try not to stare at it for more than 5 minutes at a time. Her luminescence will burn your eyes.

In other news, thanks to everyone who sent me kind words congratulating me on the birth of Beyonce's baby, Red Velvet Carter. It was quite a long road and we had some controversy with the Birthers who contended that she was faking, but we made it in the end and I'm proud to be part of this moment. I especially want to thank Mariah Carey for sending a lovely video message where she sang "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" and then spent ten minutes kissing an autographed self portrait. That was special.



Check out my TEDxPhilly talk on the music of the city!

PS: Lots of new events coming up this month and next. "Like" the Fanpage to stay abreast:

The R. Eric Thomas Page


Three Events THIS WEEK!

Hey-o! I've got three (3!) different events this week and I'd love to see your shining faces (the humidity really is a bear, isn't it?)

MondayStorySlam at World Cafe Live!
Putting my name in the hat to tell a story on the theme "Weird Trips". This new piece features Klingons, lizard copulation, and everyone's favorite parents: mine.

TuesdaySecond Stories Presents: Living at the Movies

Reading a new piece at Jaime Fountaine's monthly series called "La Ti Dah" about my obsession with romantic comedies and my futile quest to stay out of the "friend zone".

Friday-  Camp Tabu X
Doing a set at Alejandro Morales' monthly comedy show along side some very hilarious people, including Ms. Fountaine, again.


This Blog Will Change Your Life!

My favorite form of procrastination is reading inspirational life-coaching blogs. They're like "You can do it!!" and I'm like "I agree! As soon as I finish obsessively reading your back entries, clicking through the links you conveniently provide, talking to myself encouragingly in the mirror for a few minutes using my toothbrush as a microphone and eating this pint of Ben & Jerry's."


Briefly: On Being a Groomsman

At the Men's Wearhouse getting suit measurements for my brother's wedding.

I asked the salesman, "Can you add two inches to my pecs? I plan on being jacked by then. Also, it's in September so I'll be really tan. Does that help? Oh, and can you make me taller? The look for fall is statuesque."

The salesman replied, "Please don't be sassy. I have to charge extra for that."


Upcoming Events!

Friends, stalkers, Guatemalan assassins!

Once again, I've been blessed with a spate of reading, performing and general cavorting opportunities.  Check out the list below:

April 12 Second Stories Presents: My Teenage Rebellion
Quite pleased to be reading for the first time for this monthly series at The Dive, curated by the lovely Jaime Fountaine.  I'm working on a new piece called "Halitosis and, After That, Hell".

April 20 Queer Ignite
Giving a 5-minute, 20-slide PowerPoint talk alongside such inspirational luminaries as Chris Bartlett, Zane Booker and Aaron Stella.  Should be a fantastic evening.  Oh, and if anyone knows what the hell PowerPoint is and how to use it, please let me know.  Thanks.

April 25 - DIVERS Reading
My new comedy, DIVERS, is being given its first workshop reading upstairs at Plays & Players. Details, like time, are still being worked out, but I'm very excited to get some feedback on this piece and hopefully move on to the next phase in its development.

April 26 First Person Arts presents Slam Nation
Extremely excited and honored to be hosting this fantastic event presented by First Person Arts as part of the Philadelphia International Festival of the Arts.  Featuring a stupendous line-up including two-time Moth Grand Slam champion Adam Wade, Elna Baker of This American Life and SMITH magazine contributor Michele Carlo, this evening of storytelling is sure to be amazing.

May 17 Story Lab Course: The Shape of the Story
I'm teaching a fantastic, 5-week storytelling course on content decisions and storytelling structure with First Person Arts.  Enrollment is now open!


Things I'm Going to Do With All That Money I Won in the Powerball

1) Start a talent agency for dogs that got famous on YouTube. 

2) Do an all-black version of August: Osage County. Starring Tyler Perry. New title: 
Damn! It's Hot!

3) Do an all-white version of The Color Purple. Called beige. Justin Beiber as Harpo. Fergie as Shug. This will not be a musical.

4) Clone myself; send the clone to medical school; ask the clone to tell me if this mole on my arm looks dangerous.  

5) Pay for couples counseling for Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansen because people that beautiful owe the world children.

6) Go to Tiffany's in my pajamas. Buy everything. Like completely shut it down. 

7) Go to Whole Foods. Buy one thing. (Seriously that place is expensive.)

8) Open up a bar called "Drunk People Who Want to Have Sex Relations With You (Yes, You!)"

9) Buy a Hollywood nightclub; deny myself entrance to that nightclub; complain on my blog about how exclusive the nightclub is. 

10) See a therapist. Or buy a puppy. 

11) Or a baby.  Buy a baby.  From the black market.  Like Madonna does.

12) Three words: millions of cupcakes. 

13) Spare no expense to wine and dine Adele and make her fall in love with me.  Then dump her so she writes another amazing album.

14) Three more words: dinosaur themed diner.  Called the Diner-saur.  Right?  Right?!

15) Pay people to walk around behind me and laugh at things I say.  Like the studio audience on The Cosby Show.

16) Become a Republican.